{"id":131,"date":"2009-08-25T04:39:04","date_gmt":"2009-08-25T04:39:04","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/naresh.blogsome.com\/2009\/08\/25\/michhami-dukkadam-why-i-must-forgive-to-be-happy\/"},"modified":"2009-08-25T04:39:04","modified_gmt":"2009-08-25T04:39:04","slug":"michhami-dukkadam-why-i-must-forgive-to-be-happy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/slis.simmons.edu\/naresh\/michhami-dukkadam-why-i-must-forgive-to-be-happy\/","title":{"rendered":"Michhami Dukkadam: Why I must forgive to be happy?"},"content":{"rendered":"

Click here<\/a> for an audio podcast of this blog post (recorded Sep 13, 2013 in Boston)<\/p>\n

I have a simple motto in life, “to be happy always”. This is what I wish for all my friends and all the people I interact with – that they be happy always. I’ve learnt that happiness is not something that comes with circumstances – you don’t become happy when you get something or achieve something. Similarly, happiness is not something you postpone UNTIL you get something or achieve something. We’ve got to be happy right here, right now! Happy with all that we have, and all that we don’t have. It is important to realize that You and I are not leaves, that can be blown away by circumstances – one person says an unpleasant word, and we become unhappy; the train is late and we become unhappy. It’s like exposing our cheeks to the whole wide world, where each person and each event is free to come slap us every now and then in whichever way it pleases. I read somewhere that happiness is an art that ought to be learnt, practised and perfected like playing an violin. I think it is true.<\/p>\n

There is an important prerequisite to happiness — forgiveness. To be happy and in peace with ourselves and the entire world, we’ve got to forgive EACH and EVERY person in the world. I was once told a story where there was a man who said that he was ready to forgive the whole wide world, but he could NEVER forgive two people Mr X and Ms Y, who had really hurt him in the past. The fact is, nobody can hurt you without your permission. This person was told that if he wanted, he was free to hold grudges against the entire world…all he had to do was to forgive these two people.<\/p>\n

Until we forgive people who’ve pained us, we continue to give them a lot of undue importance and they continue to dwell in our minds. Thus, contrary to our liking, we end up closely holding those people who we supposedly dislike.<\/p>\n

The Jains have a lovely festival. Each year, at the end of an 8-day festival, they ask for forgiveness from all and sundry, saying, “Michhami Dukkadam” [Michchami=fruitless; Dukkadam=bad deeds] [“My bad deed (with you) be fruitless”] [“May any bad deeds I have committed towards you be forgiven”]. I got to know of this lovely festival when I received an email from a friend and his wife about two years ago with the subject: “Michchami Dukkadam”, and with words something like, “I request your forgiveness, if I may have hurt you, intentionally or unintentionally by thoughts, words or action.” I couldn’t remember them having hurt me, but it didn’t matter. The greeting (whether in person, on the phone, through a letter, email, sms, a facebook message or a tweet) is to be sent to (or felt for) one and all.<\/p>\n

Today happens to be that day for 2009. So to everyone, Michchami Dukkadam! <\/p>\n

\u0915\u094d\u0937\u092e\u093e Kshama [forgiveness]
\n\u0935\u0940\u0930\u0938\u094d\u092f Veerasya [of the brave]
\n\u092d\u0942\u0937\u0923\u0902 Bhushnam [is the ornament]<\/p>\n

Forgiveness is the ornament of the brave! So forgive all those who’ve hurt you, seek forgiveness from all those you’ve hurt, seek forgiveness from yourself. On this day, let us all endeavour to forgive and be happy!<\/p>\n

If you want to practise forgiveness, I found the following steps on the world wide web, attributed most likely to Dr Christiane Northrup in her book on women: “Northrup, C. (2006). Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom: Creating Physical and Emotional Health and Healing, 3rd edition. Bantam Dell: New York, NY.”<\/p>\n

step 1
\nclose your eyes….for a moment just reflect on what the word
\nForgiveness
\nmight really mean.<\/p>\n

What is forgiveness?
\n[ponder for a short while and after contemplating goto next] <\/p>\n

step 2
\nAnd now, very gently — no force — just as an experiment in truth —
\njust for a moment — allow the image of someone for whom you have
\nmuch resentment — someone from whom you have anger and a sense
\nof distance — let them just gently — gently, come into your mind —
\nAs an image, as a feeling.<\/p>\n

May be you feel them at the centre of your chest as fear, as resistance.
\nHowever they manifest in your mind body, just invite them in very gently
\nfor this — moment — for this experiment.<\/p>\n

And in your heart, silently say to them, ‘ I forgive you’.
\n‘I forgive you for whatever you have done in the past that caused me
\npain, intentionally or unintentionally. However you have caused me pain,
\nI forgive you’.<\/p>\n

Speak gently to them in your heart with your ownwords- in your own way.
\n[close your eyes and talk in your heart with them- only for forgiveness]<\/p>\n

In your heart, say to them, ‘I forgive you for whatever you may have done in
\nthe past, through your words, through your actions, through your thoughts
\nthat caused me pain, intentionally or unintentionally. I forgive you.’<\/p>\n

Allow….Allow them to be touched… power of your thought is immense
\nand it would touch them….
\njust for a moment at least…
\nby your forgiveness.
\nAllow forgiveness.<\/p>\n

It is so painful to hold someone out of your heart.
\nHow can you hold on to that pain,
\nthat resentment, even a moment longer?
\nFear, doubt… let it go… and for this moment,
\ntouch them with your forgiveness.<\/p>\n

‘I FORGIVE YOU.’<\/p>\n

Now let them go gently, let them leave quietly.
\nLet them go with your blessings.<\/p>\n

step 3
\nNow picture someone who has great resentment for you.
\nSomeone near or dear
\nMay be a friend, customer\/client oremployer\/employee…..
\nstaff or family…
\nsupplier\/creditor or a banker\/broker of insurance
\nanyone who has any cause of resentment for you.
\nCould be spouse or parent, children or neighbour
\nwho had any cause of resentment for you in recent past.<\/p>\n

Feel them in your chest, may be in heart, seeing themin your mind as an image
\n— sense of their being. Invite them gently in.
\nSomeone who has resentment, Anger —
\nsomeone who is unforgiving towards you.
\nLet them into your heart at this moment.
\nAnd in your heart, say to them ‘ I ask your forgiveness,
\nfor whatever I may have done in the past that caused you pain,
\nintentionally or unintentionally —
\nthrough my words, through my actions, through my thoughts.
\nHowever I caused you pain,
\nI ask your forgiveness. I ask your forgiveness.’<\/p>\n

‘Through my anger, my fear, my blindness, my laziness.
\nHowever I caused you pain,
\nintentionally or unintentionally — I ask your forgiveness.’<\/p>\n

Let it be. Allow that forgiveness in.
\nAllow your self to be touched by their forgiveness.
\nPower of your thoughts is immense… they are forgiving you.
\nIf the mind rises up
\nwith thoughts like self-indulgence or doubt,
\njust see how profound our mercilessness is
\nwith ourself and be open to the forgiveness.<\/p>\n

Allow yourself to be forgiven.
\nAllow yourself to be forgiven.<\/p>\n

However I caused you pain,
\nI ask for your forgiveness.
\nAllow yourself feel their forgiveness.
\nLet it be.
\nLet it be.<\/p>\n

And gently …. very gently … let them go on their way
\nin forgiveness for you — in blessings foryou.<\/p>\n

step 4
\nAnd turn to yourself in your own heart and say
\n‘ I forgive you’ to you\/rself.
\nwhatever tries to block that
\nthe merciless and fear.
\nLet it go.<\/p>\n

Let it be touched by your forgiveness andyour mercy.
\nAnd gently in your heart, calling yourselfby
\nyour own first name, say,
\n‘ I FORGIVE YOU ‘ to you.<\/p>\n

It is so painful to put yourself out of your heart.
\nLet yourself in. Allow yourself to be touched
\nby this forgiveness.
\nLet the healing in.
\nSay, ‘ I FORGIVE YOU ‘ to you.<\/p>\n

[ you will feel very peaceful…light hearted and relieved
\nif not, try repeating step 2,3 & 4….
\ntill you have softened your heart, feel your inner peace…
\nthen goto step 5]<\/p>\n

step 5<\/p>\n

[ say with immense love and joy,….openly, loudly…]<\/p>\n

Let that forgiveness be extended to the beings all around you.
\nMay all beings forgive themselves.
\nMay they discover joy.
\nMay all being be freed of suffering.
\nMay all beings be healed.
\nMay they be at one with their thru nature.
\nMay they be free from suffering.
\nMay they be at peace.
\nLet that loving kindness,
\nthat forgiveness,
\nextend to the whole planet…
\nextend to entire universe
\nto every level of existence, seen and unseen.
\nMay all beings be freed of sufferings.<\/p>\n

May they know the power of forgiveness,
\nmay they know their true being.
\nMay they know their vastness
\ntheir infinite peacefulness.
\nMay all beings be free.
\nMay all beings be free.<\/p>\n

\"Forgiveness\"<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Click here for an audio podcast of this blog post (recorded Sep 13, 2013 in Boston) I have a simple motto in life, “to be happy always”. This is what I wish for all my friends and all the people … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[45,46,24],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-131","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-happiness-7-commandments","category-identity","category-thoughts"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/slis.simmons.edu\/naresh\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/131","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/slis.simmons.edu\/naresh\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/slis.simmons.edu\/naresh\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/slis.simmons.edu\/naresh\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/slis.simmons.edu\/naresh\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=131"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/slis.simmons.edu\/naresh\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/131\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/slis.simmons.edu\/naresh\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=131"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/slis.simmons.edu\/naresh\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=131"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/slis.simmons.edu\/naresh\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=131"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}